Apeman breaks into Christian Cheese plant

An unidentified ape creature allegedly broke into the Christian Cheese plant last Saturday night and took off with an as of yet undetermined amount of Christian Cheese. Jezebel, resident mastiff and chief of security, is investigating the cause of the break in and her team is hard at work procuring evidence from the scene and talking to key witnesses. I got a chance to talk to Jezebel at the scene of the crime during her lunch break.

“My team has been talking to the cattle to the east of the plant, who were here at the time of the break in,” she said, “It seems as if the break in occurred at about midnight. Many of the cattle recall witnessing an ape like creature walking across the road to the Christian Cheese plant.”
“What did the ape creature look like?”
“According to the witnesses we’ve talked to, the ape creature was covered entirely with black hair, and walked upright like a man.”
“Have you ever heard of anything like this creature before?”
“No,” Jezebel said, “but in Kingfisher, Oklahoma, you have to be prepared for anything.”

Christian Cheese chief of security, prepared for anything.

There was minimal damage done to the Christian Cheese plant and no one was injured during the break in. Jezebel speculated that the scent of Christian Cheese probably drove the hungry ape creature to the plant. She said she would be setting up a surveillance camera and performing bi-weekly security checks of the locks, as well as setting up a better inventory system so lost Christian Cheese inventory could be easily tracked.

“We’re not entirely sure how much inventory we lost,” Jezebel said, “but we do know the ape creature liked mild yellow cheddar. Lots and lots of mild yellow cheddar.”

Tags: apeman, Cheddar cheese, Christian Cheese, dog, Jezebel, mild yellow cheddar